Bad Wolf

Waking up I think to myself “ugh another morning.” As I walk down the steps to get my coffee, I feel a set of eyes staring at me. It’s my youngest son! He has the biggest smile any wolf has ever had.“Good Morning Gerald,” I say. “GOOOOOOOOD MORNING DAD!!!!!” he yells back. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this excited. “Guess what today is dad?” he says. “I don’t know?” I respond. It’s too early for me to be playing guessing games anyway.“……..my birthday….” Gerald says.“OHHHHI know it’s your birthday my little wolf, I was just pulling your tail!”I exclaim. Just at the right moment Mom wolf stepped in.She gave me a little glare as she saw dried up tears running down his face.I used that to my advantage and ran out of the house to find a cake and some presents.I can’t believe I forgot his birthday AGAIN!I’ve forgotten every single one of his birthdays. I didn’t even remember to show up to the hospital when he was being born.I have two older children, Susan and Henry. I don’t think I have ever forgot about their birthdays.

We just got 3 new neighbors, I’ll ask them if they have any sweets or ingredients for a cake. But nothing with flowers or pollen in it. The whole wolf family has allergies with flowers. Finally,My new neighbors.They have some very odd houses. One made of straw another made of sticks. But who am I to judge them.I live in a cave.“Knock Knock.” no answer “Knock, Knock.” Still not an answer. “BANG BANG BANG”. Helloooooo. I can clearly see a pig in there. “Little pig, Little pig please let me in” “It’svery important.” “NOT by the hairs of my chinny chin chin!” What the heck? What’s a chinny chin chin? Then suddenly, the pigs’ beautiful flower garden started blowing in the wind, I feel a tulip brush against my nose “AAAACHOOOOO!” down falls the house. Oh my gosh I am so-I get a whole pile of straw thrown at my face, and two little pig legs dash across to the stick house. I’m just going to go over and apologies.“Hello, I am so sorry for that whole incident back there” “Please let me in, we can talk about it.” I say very softly. “Not by the hairs of my chinny Chin Chin!” they yell back. What is up with them and chins? I look down at my watch, it’s 10 after noon! I must hurry and get back. Oh no! The flowers. They are blowing this way. I try to turn away but I –I-I “AAACHOOOOOOO!” down goes the house. Oh My gosh! I am so super sorry for-a pile of sticks thrown at my face as the two pigs scurry to the brick house.

“Listen guys, I am so sorry for all that, if you would only listen”” Not by the hairs of our-” yeah yeah I know how this is going to go.“If you just listen I-” “Ring, Ring” uh oh, it’s my wife. “RING, RING!”

“Hello?”

“WHERES THE CAKE! GERALD IS CRYING!” she screams in my ear.

“Well, it’s just, I-”

“NO EXCUSES! YOUR BUTT AND THAT CAKE BETTER BE HOME IN 30 MINUTES! AND I MEAN IT.”

Just the sound of the long buzz after she probably slammed the phone down on the table back at home.

“Okay listen here pigs, I don’t want to get mad, but I will.” I demand. “It’s my son’s birthday and I need a cake!” The flowers pollen still sticking around sets off the allergies.“ACHOOOOOOO!”

Nothing happens. That’s good, but I still need a cake in 25 minutes. As I look up, I see a nice chimney. I can’t go back empty handed. That would be 6 years in a row. But if I break into the chimney, that’ll be breaking and entering. Welp, a wolfs gotta do what a wolfs gotta do.I climb on the roof and try to squeeze down the chimney. How does that old fat man doit?Once I got my hips in, I plopped down. But oh, was that a mistake. I can feel the heat hitting my feet. OUCH! I burst out the chimney and run to some water. Oh no! I have 19 minutes to be back. There is no way I can get a cake in that time. I guess we can just make that 7 years with me not remembering. Oh, but wait, that girl in the red hood has a basket that smells oh so nice!