Tree in All Seasons

I am a tree in the winter time. My confidence is the leaves falling off the tree. I am just there sitting still for hours doing nothing. My sanity slowly starts to whither away. I go through phases. I am silent and still. My insecurities are the ugly dead branches. I am a tree in different seasons. When I go through a phase of emptiness and sadness I begin to change. The flowers that bloom are my confidence. I’m more alive. I feel free. My sanity grows back. But slowly I start to whither away again. My green happy confidence turns to yellow-orange doubt. Slowly getting less and less confidence. I start swaying back and forth due to pressure. The people around me also start to whither away. I go back to my phase of sadness. I feel dead and numb. My confidence is now gone and only have my insecurities. And now only sitting still for hours on end. It’s a cycle of changes. Changing my attitude and my looks. I am a tree going through the four seasons.

Not Alone

I always hear how

I am not alone,

That there are others 

Who feel the same I do.

But when it’s 4:00 am

And my eyes burn

With tear-stained cheeks,

And there’s nobody there

To hear my muffled cries,

It’s hard to believe 

How anybody can feel 

As broken as me

Death

I knocked on death’s door

Knowing exactly what

I was looking for

I offered myself up

On a silver platter

But it made no difference 

I didn’t matter

Death sent me packing 

Before I even made it halfway

Saying

I don’t want you here

Please go away

I was forced back to life

Feeling pure agony

As the pills I swallowed 

Got heaved

As the cuts on my body 

Ceased to bleed

But I cleaned myself up

Pretending to be fine

Because when even death doesn’t want you

It strikes you 

Deep inside

Give Me Candy

Give me some candy

Cause my life’s too bitter

I just wanna feel better

So gimmie a treat 

And when my teeth grow rotten

And I live on the streets

Just gimmie some candy

And it won’t matter to me

I just want some candy 

Forgetting the price

Been living kinda dirty

But it tastes so nice

And when I feel rotten

On the inside

Just gimmie double the candy

And I’ll live happily

Elmore Night

As they rest in elmore one or two or more 

as they sleep lets take a peak in the dreams of little old peat
why o why is there such heat i am beat so tired from the heat

why o why my feet why o why are you torturing little old peat
o little old peat was torched by the heat poor little old peat for his feet were small and tired

but now onto the dreams of very old brier
the sky was cold and dank then a boom and i sank

down and down my plane then split in two

and i know i was threw
very old brier was a solder then retired

his plane was shot down it brings me a frown

but now through the town gray and brown i found

a hound
oh lucky is me oh lucky is i for i might cry

i found a tie and a guy that gave me his tie

I might cry
the young hound all white and brown in his dream

he did not frown but we will look again in this little town

elmore will now found a day anew now good night through and through.

Growing Older

It’s been awhile since i felt the warm sun on my face.

The years went by so fast.

I was getting old so old that twigs and leaves were

growing out of my ears.

The kids always came, everyday they came and

climbed up my limbs and picked the fresh apples.

But one day, the tree cutters came

All the kids gathered around and sat by me.

They said these words “No! Don’t cut down the Wise tree!”

After a while the cutters left.

The kids still come to this day.

Artist

I want to sigh

I want to cry

And I hate to admit it but

I want to die

To stop this endless pain

To never again get out of bed

To stop cutting up my skin

Like it’s paper

And my blade a pen

But I’m an artist 

And I can’t stop

Each cut closer

To finishing my masterpeice

But it will soon fade Till little white lines

Are all that remain

And if I make a mistake

I’ll cut and cut

Till the blood covers up

Any thing I made

And then I’ll start over 

Onto a clean slate

And I’ll trace the lies somethimes

Remembering the stories

That lay behind each line

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